she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
