I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
