He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize