So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
