You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
