omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
