Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
