She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
