why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
