It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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