Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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