I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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