Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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