in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
