one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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