walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
