Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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