Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
