those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
