trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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