I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize