True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
