u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
