Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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