The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
