please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
