Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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