Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
