He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
