i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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