You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
