i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Drunk is a universal language darling
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
