Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't make out with my wife yet
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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