my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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