i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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