Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
