I murdered the dance floor call the cops
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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