They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Randomize
