I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
