You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
