I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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