i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
