Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
