So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and she was petting her beer can
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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