I think im going to throw up on grandma
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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