wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
