What a fucking waste of an outfit
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
