if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize