there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
