People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
