she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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