I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
