I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
