i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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