He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
