i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
