Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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