Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
