i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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