i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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