Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
