I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
