1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
