The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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