At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
