upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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