The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
