ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
