I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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