Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
