Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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