Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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