im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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