everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's like iHOP with fire
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
