you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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