remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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