I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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